Friday, 21 May 2010

Fury of the sticky, wrath of the salty

Riddle me this; why, by Health & Safety the cotton-wool and bubble-wrap brigade, is it deemed less of a risk/best practice etc to treat people like two-year-olds and prevent them from opening windows in public buildings, places of work etc? It may not be like it in yours – believe me, you are fortunate.
For the time being, I sit here, sweating not in the gloriously warm weather that I can just about admire through the filth-coated visage of our seldom never cleaned beautifully pristine office windows, but in the dank, lifeless, foetid, dead air that’s been continually recycled since the system was installed a few years back. I’m sure I smelled one of my own wafting past the other day but as we hadn’t been acquainted for quite some time, I couldn’t be entirely sure. . .
I’m certain this is the reason I’m continually going down with, or emerging from a bout of Foul-snot Syndrome (at this very moment I battle on, mightily while The Dispenser of Sexual Frivolities (it’s better than what I usually call her) languishes on a damn hillock of soggy tissues. . . maybe not a huge change from the usual, but at least they don't tend to be green.
Anyway, I’m getting off the point. My gripe isn’t temperature and sweatiness per se (a visage of glistening skin can always be of interest when slaving away. . . erm, or so I’m told anyway), my gripe is that we are continually told, despite evidence to the contrary, that the primitive excuse for a cooling system (it doesn’t count as ‘air-con’ – it’s not good enough) keeps the internal environment at the perfect balance blah blah blah
Even if that were true, am I the last fucking person that enjoys fresh air?!
How is a workforce continually going down with the same coughs and colds beneficial?
In fact, mid-rant I realise that part of the piss-poor excuse of moving our cool, spacious, slightly-troll-like-in-that-it-made-you-feel-like-one smoking area and built a small bus shelter that you can maybe squeeze five people into and then threaten you with disciplinary action should you stand outside it, was that a non-smoking colleague could have the window open and might breath in some of the icky smoke and maybe have a wittul bit of a coffie-waffie and THEN YOU’LL ALL GET CANCER AND DIE AND THAT’LL SHOW YOU, YOU FOUL, DISGUSTING, DEGENERATE PIECE OF SHIT OF A HUMAN BEING NOW OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY YOU LIKE MY SHIT!
Oh, I’m forgetting, someone could fall out and hurt themselves or might breathe pollen and their head explodes they get a runny nose or some other contrivance . . . personally I would rather a thousand cunt-footed-perambulatory failures went rushing to their deaths with pollen stabbing them in the eyeballs if I could have a nice bit of a breeze . . .pub anyone?

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